It's easy to love Him when you have nothing, try loving Him when you have everything.

Internet Therapy

My older sister has just moved out and as one may guess I have a bit of sadness mixed undeniably and extreme joy. Now before you call me any names or decide that I'm a horrible sister whose only goal in life is to push people out of her nest 'til she is alone with her mother and aunt and can have all the attention to herself, let me confirm your suspicions and tell you that it's true. I have no desire to live alone, but after living with two sisters in a room only big enough to hold Elysha's (my sister who just moved out) bed and me and Lisa-Anne's (My younger sister) bunkbed I'm pretty psyched she's gone! I mean of course I love her but after she left I had SO MUCH ROOM. I got so excited that the day after she moved out I started planning out what to do with the space. Of course I stood in the middle of the room and had a moment of silence for Boofus (her nickname) but it was followed with what resembled a Indian rain dance that me and Lisa-Anne preformed on the grave site of the "Elysha-is-in-the-house-and-I-want-to-kill-her" memories. In the middle of all this I knew I was gonna miss Le Boof, but she's two minutes up the road and I can always see her after I get out of school and what makes it even better is that she is located right beside my favourite coffee shop!

I'm totally not a stalker by the way :)

You know in a way I can somewhat understand stalking…I mean the creepy part isn’t for me, but I can understand a little bit of why it’s done. You get to see a different little world, a world that isn’t your own, but in a way, the fact that you can see it and see the interactions inside of it kind of make it feel like you’re a part of it instead of being a bystander .You get to have a world that you feel you haven’t broken with all your mistakes; a blank page. I guess that’s where the control cuts in; they, the stalkers, start to want to make the little world perfect, their own little dollhouse. They want to change the interactions, the chemistry, and the characters. The little world, the dollhouse, the Narnia (if you get my reference) gets perverted. 

First actual post HUZZAH!

I wanna leave the south…

The south has charm, but that’s all it is…charm. Charm is a front, a deception. I hate it. I loathe it. It forces me to love it, to adore it and then it goes for another, it cheats on me. Charm has affairs…I don’t want to be the one waiting with the lights on knowing no one is coming home to me. I don’t want any material love. I want a home love. One that welcomes me because it loves my spirit, my personality…my freedom. I want it to want me to be free and I want it to long to be free with me. The south is all charm for me. There is no love, only a perverse want of possession. I don’t feel anything for a possessive spirit. It scares me. I hate the fear of it. I don’t want to be property. I want to be a stray dog…I don’t want to be wanted ‘cause I can’t be caught like the butterfly, I don’t want to be had like the show horse that is wanted only because it is wanted by others…I want to be the stray dog that needs and is attended to by love and decency. I wouldn’t be demanded to stay or even expected to,  I would just be wanted to for the only reason of being loved. The south treats me like the butterfly, the show horse; it obsesses over me in a desperate way. It’s unhealthy, it’s scary, and it’s lonely. I’m expected to have the southern obsession for material things, for material love, by southern society.

In all this I am being a rather bigot child, for the whole world expects you to have this obsession, yet the whole world, unlike the south, does not hide behind charm, deceit,  fancy love letters…it gives it to you straight. It tells you the honest truth of what it wants of you. I’d rather be told the truth tied, bleeding to the rotting flesh of an animal than “charmed” with all the manners in the world. 

The Title

"The Crayon Box" was chosen as the name of this blog because I go back and forth, around in circles, up and down on subjects. I write about what I think and about what's in my mind and for me I've always pictured my mind as a crayon box, full thoughts of different colors and points and shades. So that's why it's called "The Crayon Box"

New at This

Please forgive me if my blog does not meet the normal standards of a blog. I just wish to share my thoughts and feelings to people. Please comment if you have anything to say, I really enjoy feedback.